Those Phrases given by A Father Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."